


It's So Risky (but we've got to chance it)

by yasmamamercury (Em_1)



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Closeted Character, Family Dynamics, Found Family, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 20:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_1/pseuds/yasmamamercury
Summary: “You’re not alone, sweetheart,” Roger told him gently, “We’re right there with you all the time. Even if we’re not…”“Right there with him?” John suggested as he trailed off.“Yeah.”“It’s not the same and you know it,” Freddie whined, tired of trying to make the best out of an awful situation, “I miss you so much it hurts.”Or Freddie gets pulled away from London for the summer by his family, forcing him to leave the boys, and their budding relationship, behind.
Relationships: John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	It's So Risky (but we've got to chance it)

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to just be a drabble to help me work through some emotions but apparently there were a lot of emotions to go through because here we are 6k later. 
> 
> To everyone on the DL server, thank you for all of your encouragement while I was writing this, it was much needed and is much appreciated ❤

“Freddie?” John poked his head into the bedroom, “What’s going on?” 

“I’m packing.” 

“Yeah, I see that,” John said slowly as he sat on the bed, “Why?” 

Freddie tossed a few garments into the open luggage on the floor before flopping down on the bed next to John with a pained groan. “Because I’m leaving for the summer, apparently.” 

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

Freddie sighed as he stared at the ceiling and listened to Brian’s footsteps coming down the hall and into the room. 

“Who’s packing?” 

“Freddie - apparently he’s leaving.” 

“What? Leaving where?” Brian asked, a touch of panic in his tone. 

“Wait, what’s happening?” Roger’s voice came through much closer than Freddie had anticipated. 

“Oh, great, everyone’s here,” He muttered as he gathered the strength to force himself up, only to be met with three sets of concerned eyes and he sighed again, “Look, my darlings, it’s nothing, really.” 

Roger sat on his other side as he said, “Can you try sounding even less convincing?” 

“Are you breaking up with us?” Brian’s brow creased with worry. 

“What? God, no, of course not!” 

“Then spill it,” John nudged his shoulder and gave him a small, encouraging smile. 

“It’s just...family stuff,” Freddie ran his hands over his face and through his hair, “My dad is getting called away to India for work and my entire family has to go.” 

Leaning his chin on his shoulder, Roger asked, “Why?” 

Freddie shrugged, he’d been through this sort of thing one too many times, “Government people always look better when they have a perfect family to show off at events. Helps them schmooze whoever they’re supposed to schmooze. It’s not the first time I’ve played the part, it’s okay for a night or two but for three whole months? That’s the last thing I want to spend my summer doing.”

“Three months?” Brian echoed. 

“Yeah,” Freddie hung his head, “I don’t want to but…” He let himself trail off. He’d spent hours on the phone the previous week arguing with his parents, trying to convince them to let him stay. He was a grown man after all! But it was no use. 

Frustrated tears filled his eyes and as he wiped them away, the others curled around him. Roger’s arms were tight around his waist and John let him rest his head on his shoulder while Brian settled between his legs and laid his head on his thigh. Reflexively, Freddie reached to sink his fingers into Brian’s curls as they were all quiet for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. 

“What am I supposed to do without you all?” Freddie sniffled miserably, “We’ve only had a month together and we were supposed to do so many things this summer.” 

Roger snorted, “Like what? We don’t have any plans so far.” 

Freddie shrugged, “I don’t know. Play gigs? Go down to the pub? Cuddle?” 

“Make crazy, stupid love with each other?” Roger waggled his eyebrows, his tongue poking out from between his teeth.

“Yeah, that too. Truthfully, anything would be better than living in a hotel and going to stuffy government dinner parties with my parents, who seem to have nothing better to do than to try to find me a wife.” 

“You’ll be back before you know it,” Brian murmured, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself at the same time. 

“It's’ just three months, it’ll be okay,” John said, though Freddie had a hard time believing either of them. 

“Besides, aren’t they putting you up in some fancy British hotel?” When Freddie nodded, Roger continued with that mischievous look on his face, “We can make expensive long-distance phone calls at the cost of the government every night.” 

Freddie cracked a smile, but it was quick to fade, “I’m going to miss all of your birthdays.” 

“But you’ll be back in time for yours,” Brian reminded him. 

“Yeah! And we can celebrate them all together,” Roger suggested. 

John placed a kiss on Freddie’s forehead as he said, “We won’t do anything fun while you’re gone, promise.” 

Dragging himself out of the door and into the cab that was waiting to bring him to the airport to meet up with his family was one of the hardest things Freddie had to do. Brian, John, and Roger had gathered in front of their flat to wave goodbye - after tearful kisses and promises behind the privacy of a closed door - and Freddie wiped at his eyes as he watched them get smaller and smaller in the distance. He had no idea how he was going to survive being away for so long. 

Being back in India felt like a punch to the stomach. Freddie had worked so hard since his boarding school years to build himself up and put his atrocious past out of his mind. Yet just like that, the moment he stepped off the plane and into the hot air of Mumbai, it all came flooding back, crashing into him like a tidal wave. He wondered how pathetic it would be if he made his excuses and snuck off to find a telephone in the airport so he could call home already. But before he could decide, his mum was yelling at him to stop dragging his feet and help his father with the luggage. 

Once they were finally squared away in their apartment-style hotel room, Freddie unpacked his things in the bedroom he’d be sharing with Kash. 

“You don’t have to look so miserable about being here,” She told him as she settled on her bed beneath the window and took out her book, finding her spot again. 

“I’m trying my best. I’m not like you, I don’t have friends here.” 

His shirt was stuck to his back by the time he was finished placing his clothes in the drawers and his body felt covered in a sticky grime from having travelled all day. 

“I need a shower,” Freddie muttered as he left the room, hoping that a spot of soap and cold water would help him feel marginally better. 

It wasn’t until late at night, once everyone was asleep, that Freddie was able to make his way down to the lobby to ring home. The risk of staying in the room to talk and getting caught by his mother was far too high for his liking. At least downstairs, he didn’t have to worry about waking everyone up. 

Hotel lobbies at three in the morning were an eerie thing - most people who were up late were in bed by then and the early risers were still getting a few hours of shut-eye before starting their day. Which meant that Freddie was alone, with the exception of the desk clerk, as his footsteps echoed off the marble floors. 

The clerk was nice enough to set him up with a phone at the end of the long reception counter before going back to flipping through her magazine. Freddie dialled the number by heart and held his breath as the line rang twice before Roger’s voice came through with a bright, “Hullo?” 

Freddie’s heart soared at the sound of home, “Hi Roggie.” 

“Freddie!” Roger exclaimed. 

He heard John and Brian’s voices in the background, “It’s Freddie?”

“Let me talk to him!” 

“We’re all going to talk to him!” Roger said.

“Stop hogging the phone!”

“How am I hogging the phone? I’ve barely even said hello,  _ Brian _ !” 

Freddie couldn’t help but chuckle at their antics and the familiar chaos only made him miss them even more. While Brian and Roger bickered in the background, John quietly took the phone for himself. 

“Hi, Fred.” 

“Oh, John, my love - hello! How are you?” 

“Alright, we miss you already.” 

“I miss you too, you have no idea how much.” 

John let out a small laugh at the other end of the line, “It’s only been a day and a bit.” 

“Longest day and a bit of my life,” Freddie grumbled, stifling a yawn. Somewhere along the way, he’d lost an entire night of sleep and the jet lag had him absolutely knackered. But he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to get the small comfort of a phone call before going to sleep. 

“How was the flight?” Roger’s voice came through, having realized that John was monopolizing the phone while he’d been busy arguing with Brian. 

Freddie sighed, “It was fine, not too much turbulence but I only managed to get about an hour of sleep.” 

“How’s India?” Brian asked. 

“Same as always,” Freddie toyed with the phone cord between his fingers, “Hot and full of people that I can’t be myself around.” 

“Are you at least going to get to see some people that you know?” 

“There’s no one here that I know that I want to see again, Brimi. Ever.” He changed the subject before any of them could ask questions, “Tell me about what’s going on over there. What have I missed?” 

“Rain,” John told him, “Lots of rain.” 

“We spent the day inside,” Roger said, “And I won two games of scrabble!” 

“Yeah, but tell him how many games you lost,” John snickered and Freddie could just picture Roger sticking his tongue out at him. 

“That doesn’t matter! Right, Fred?” 

Freddie laughed, “If you say so, my darling.” 

It wasn’t long before Freddie started feeling his eyes closing on their own accord and he forced himself to say goodnight to his boys on the other end of the line with a promise to try calling again tomorrow. 

When he quietly crawled into bed, careful not to disturb Kash on the other side of the room, Freddie curled up on himself and willed the tears to stop falling. Despite the heat making sweat bead on the back of his neck, his bed felt distinctly cold as he drifted off. 

As the days went on, Freddie settled into his new routine - doing whatever was required of him from his parents first and foremost as always, stealing away for a nap in the afternoons when he could get away with it, and sneaking out of his room every night to get to the one part of the day that he actually looked forward to. He realized he’d gotten a little too comfortable when he started getting sloppy. It was little things like not watching here he was walking in the dark of the room and bumping into things or accidentally letting the door swing back too hard and knock into the stopper. But it didn’t matter how small of a disturbance there was in the air, his mum had always had a sixth sense for it. 

The first night he got caught he practically jumped out of his skin when his mom called his name before flicking on the lights and asking him what exactly he was doing up at that hour. 

Freddie rubbed at the back of his neck, “I was just going down for a walk, I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Nonsense, beta, sit,” She pointed to the table as she made her way over into the kitchen, “I’ll make you some tea, it’ll put you right to sleep.” 

“It’s okay, Muma, really, you don’t have to.” 

But as usual, she wasn’t having it, “If you really think I’m going to let my only son wander the streets at this hour of the night, you’ve lost your mind. Now, sit.” 

Biting back a groan, Freddie sank into the chair and tried not to think about how, back home, the other three were probably crowded around the phone, waiting for a call that would never come. 

Of course, the next night, when Freddie explained everything, the boys understood and laughed at the misfortune of having a caring mum. 

“How come you never make me tea when I can’t sleep?” Brian asked, only half kidding. 

“Because Freddie can’t boil water,” Roger teased. 

Freddie laughed, “Like you’re any better!” 

“I think you’re on your own for the tea, Bri,” John said. 

The second time Freddie got caught it was just unfortunate timing. Kash had woken up to go to the washroom and stepped out of their room just as Freddie was opening the front door. 

“Where are you going?” She hissed. 

“None of your business.” 

“It’s the middle of the night!” 

“Be quiet,” He whispered, glancing at the door to their parent’s room, “If you wake Muma up we’ll both be in trouble.”

She glared at him, “I’m not the one who’s fully dressed with their foot out the door.” 

“Just drop it, Kash, please.” 

“Why should I?” 

“Because I would do the same for you?” 

Kash scoffed, “No you wouldn’t.” 

“Fine, I wouldn’t,” Freddie groaned, although he liked to think that instead of stopping her completely he’d follow her out just to make sure she was safe. But that wasn’t here nor there, so he closed the door with a pointed glare in his sister's direction, “You’re absolutely insufferable sometimes, you know that?” 

Even in the dark, he could see her grin, "My brother taught me everything I know." 

As he stalked back to their room with a huff, he fully intended to climb into bed and wait for Kash to fall asleep again before making his escape. However, it seemed that sleep was keen to overtake him as well because the next thing he knew the sun was shining into the room and he heard the familiar sounds of his family having breakfast pouring in from the kitchen. 

Freddie would never go as far as to say he’d had a good day, there were bad days and less bad days but there were also bad days and much, much worse days. Days where he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like the clothes his family had put him in were suffocating him, like the heat was evaporating the life out of him. He stood still in the sitting room, munching on a handful of grapes as his mom finished smoothing down his outfit, feeling like he’d been sent reeling back into his teenage years. 

“You should at least cut your hair while you’re here.” 

She reached up to run her fingers through it but Freddie bat her hand away as he sidestepped, “No, Muma, it’s fine the way it is.”

“It’s not proper.”

“ _ I’m  _ not proper!” And if that wasn’t the most accurate statement he’d made since they got here, he didn’t know what was. He popped another grape into his mouth to keep himself from talking back even more. 

His mum sighed as she shook her head, “Don’t eat too much, we have two dinners tonight.” 

“ _ Two?! _ ” Freddie sputtered. 

“Yes, an early one and a late one. And we expect you to be--”

“To be on my best behaviour,” He finished for her, “I know.” 

She smiled at him, “Good. We’re leaving to meet your father in an hour, don’t be late.” 

That hour passed by much, much faster than the following eight.

“You have to think about these things, beta, start planning your life.”

“Do I, though?” Freddie muttered, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. It was getting late and an irritated tiredness had settled within him. He supposed that’s what happened when he spent eight hours with his parents while they desperately tried to pair him off with somebody they deemed worthy enough

His mom went on as if she hadn’t heard him, “What are you going to do to support your wife and kids?” 

He could barely suppress a shudder and fought to keep his face from twisting into a grimace at the idea. 

“Have you been giving it some thought?” She pressed.

“Can’t say that I have, no,” He sighed, the clock was nearing midnight and almost everyone else had left already. “Do we have to keep talking about this?” 

“Did no one catch your eye tonight?” His dad chimed in, “I think there were quite a few suitable choices.” 

Freddie let out a groan as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. How much more of this was he expected to take? The incessant reminders that he wasn’t in a relationship that would ever be deemed appropriate only served to make Freddie’s heart ache for the boys back home even more. Together they made him feel safe in a way he never had before, in a way he never dared imagine possible, and without them, the world was hard and bleak. 

“Can we leave, please?” He asked quietly. 

Both his parents shook their heads and his mum said, “Kashmira hasn’t uttered a complaint all night.” 

“Because she’s making me do all the work,” He whined, glaring at her across the table. “I’m just really tired.” 

“We’re leaving soon.” 

A lie if Freddie had ever heard one. 

Exhausted as he was from spending the day offering tight-lipped smiles to people he’d never give a second glance at in real life and acting like the perfect son his parents always dreamed they would have, Freddie wasn’t about to fall asleep without talking to his boys. Not today. Not after spending hours of faking polite interest in whichever girl his parents pushed him toward. Not after all the small talk he’d suffered through - much more than a lifetime’s worth, he was sure of it. 

Freddie dragged his feet down to the lobby, feeling the day weighing him down, and settled in his usual spot. The line rang a few times before it was picked up at the other end. 

“Hi, Bri,” Freddie smiled at the comfort that Brian’s voice alone brought. 

“Freddie! You sound tired, love. Is everything okay?” 

Freddie’s throat closed up and he screwed his eyes shut, “I just had a really long day, is all.” 

Brian hummed, “It’s quite late for you there, isn’t it?” 

“It doesn’t matter, I needed to hear your voices.” 

“We’re all here, Fred,” Roger comforted.

“Do you want to talk about it?” John asked. 

“Not unless you want to hear about all the women my parents keep trying to set me up with,” He tried to laugh it off, but he could tell that the others weren’t buying it. With a sigh, he admitted, “It just makes me feel so useless. And we had  _ two  _ different dinners tonight. They were so stuffy, even Brian would have been bored. I was sure I was going to lose my mind.” 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, darling,” Freddie winced realizing what he’d said, “I didn’t mean it. I’m exhausted and just in a terribly sour mood. Two dinners were double the opportunities to remind me of what a disappointment I am to my parents.”

“Oh, baby, no, you’re not a disappointment,” John was quick to tell him. 

“Yeah,” Roger agreed, “You could never disappoint us.” 

Freddie’s chest tightened as he fought to hold back the tears that were pricking at his eyes. “Maybe not to you three, but I can never be any of the things they want me to be. And having to lie and fake it all the time is beyond exhausting. I need to get out of here, I feel like I’m losing my mind - losing  _ myself _ . Again.” 

That was it, he couldn’t hold back any longer. Hot tears streamed down his face and he tried to keep from sniffling too much, not wanting the others to catch on and worry about him. But just by the concerned silence at the other end of the line, Freddie knew it was too late, they’d caught on. 

“How many days until you’re back home?” John asked quietly. 

“Too many. And I’ve already been trapped here for so long that all of the night desk clerks know my name,” Freddie muttered, just as Brian answered, “Sixty-eight.”

Freddie groaned and barely resisted the urge to bang his head against the desk as an overwhelming weight pressed down on his chest. His voice cracked and he knew he sounded so small when he said, “I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to come home to you all, I feel so alone here.” 

“You’re not alone, sweetheart,” Roger told him gently, “We’re right there with you all the time. Even if we’re not…”

“Right there with him?” John suggested as he trailed off. 

“Yeah.” 

“It’s not the same and you know it,” Freddie whined, tired of trying to make the best out of an awful situation, “I miss you so much it hurts.” 

“I wish we could come save you,” Brian murmured. 

Meanwhile, John and Roger answered, “We miss you too.” 

“I haven’t slept well for a single night since I’ve been away,” Freddie admitted, “No matter how tired I am I just...can’t sleep without you.” 

“It’s not the same without you here either.”

Freddie suspected that Brian was starting to feel lonely on the nights that his insomnia struck. The two of them usually stayed up together - Freddie being much more of a night owl than Roger and John. He’d spend a few hours with Brian, even before they started dating, and together they’d play Scrabble or sit and talk until one of them was nodding off. 

The four of them spoke a little longer, the boys trying their best to comfort him before Freddie found himself saying with a sigh, “I should go.” 

This was his least favourite part of the night, having to say goodbye then crawl back into a cold, empty bed by himself, knowing there was a space waiting for him next to the others back home. 

“Try to get some rest tonight,” John told him, not quite managing to hide the concern in his tone. 

“I’ll try. Have a lovely night, my dears. I love you all,” His breath caught in his throat when he realized it was the first time he’d said it out loud in  _ that  _ context. 

But the boys didn’t give him a chance to panic because without missing a beat, Freddie heard them each say, “We love you too.” 

The days continued to trickle by slower than Freddie ever thought was possible. His nightly phone calls were the only thinking keeping him sane, feeling like he was being crushed beneath the expectations of his family. 

Slowly, sixty-eight days turned into sixty-seven, then sixty-six, and eventually, he made it down to sixty - a full month behind him. It felt like he’d been there an eternity, worse yet, he still had two months left to go. He hadn’t even made it halfway through. 

Grumbling about it to himself as the lift doors opened up to the all but deserted lobby, Freddie stepped out and covered his mouth with his hand as he yawned. He couldn’t wait to talk to the boys and then get some sleep. As he approached the front desk, he realized there was someone else standing there, talking to the clerk. It was the first time he’d come across another guest at that hour of the night. 

The echo of his shoes on the floor must have caught the stranger’s attention because he turned to look back at the noise and Freddie stopped dead in his tracks. Surely his mind was playing tricks on him, it wasn’t possible that John,  _ his  _ John, was standing across the room from him. 

But then their eyes met and he smiled and Freddie’s heart leapt in his chest as he practically tripped over himself in his haste to get to him. They met in the middle, barely resisting the urge to embrace each other in a public space, no matter how almost empty it may be they knew better than that. 

“What are you doing here?!” 

John grinned, “We wanted to come save you, so here I am.” 

“You volunteered?” Freddie couldn’t tear his eyes away from John’s face as they spoke, afraid that he might disappear in front of him. 

“Well, Roger’s passport’s expired and we didn’t think that sending Brian halfway around the world on his own was a good idea, who knows where he’d accidentally end up. But yeah, sure, I volunteered.” 

Freddie snickered, “Wise choice.” 

“Let’s go get your things so we can get you out of here.” 

The excitement of it all had Freddie practically vibrating as they walked to the lift. He never would have dared to imagine that something like this would ever happen to him, the whole thing felt completely surreal. 

“You’re sure that you’re actually here and that I’m not just dreaming?”

John laughed - and what a beautiful thing it was to hear in person after being separated for so long. “I’m sure, but I can always pinch you if you want.” 

They stepped into the lift and Freddie selected his floor as he said, “You may just need to, darling.” 

John never got the chance because as soon as the doors shut Freddie rushed over to him, pressing him against the wall as he took his face in his hands and finally,  _ finally _ , crashed their lips together. John’s arms immediately wrapped tightly around him as he kissed him back with everything he had. 

Freddie didn’t pull away until his lungs were bursting for air, and even then, he couldn’t stop himself from peppering kisses all over John’s face. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Freddie told him in between pecks, “You’re real and you’re here and I missed you so much.” 

Overwhelmed with emotions, tears began to fall, but he wasn’t about to let go of John to wipe them away. 

“I missed you too.” Capturing their lips together again, softly and gently this time, John radiated a steady calmness that Freddie hadn’t felt soothe him in what felt like forever. 

“You came all this way just for me,” Freddie murmured, still in awe. 

John offered a small shrug, “Of course I did.” 

Freddie gave him one more kiss before they’d have to get off the lift, “My very own knight in shining armour. I just can’t believe you’re here and you’re real.” 

“I am. And I’m taking you home.” 

The pair stepped out into the hallway as Freddie led them to the room his family was staying in.

“Make sure you’re quiet,” He warned, “The slightest sound will wake my mum up and I’d rather not face her wrath about how I’m abandoning the family right now.” 

John nodded, “Noted.” 

Taking a deep breath, Freddie opened the door and stepped into the dark room with John just half a step behind him. He’d kept most of his things in one area, which, mercifully, made throwing it all into his luggage an easier task to accomplish, especially as his eye adjusted to the dark of the space. Freddie couldn’t stop the way his heart was hammering in his chest, both from the thrill of John’s surprise and from the terror of being caught now that he was so close to freedom. 

Across the bedroom, Kash tossed around in her bed, making Freddie freeze in his tracks and he all but stopped breathing as he waited for her to settle down again. She still seemed like she was asleep, so Freddie quickly closed his luggage - if he forgot something, he knew it would be brought back to London eventually - and he tugged at John’s arm as they made their escape. He only let himself take a breath of relief once they were back out in the hall and began walking towards the lift. 

“You’re sure you want to do this?” John checked.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire bloody life. I can’t stay here.”

“Just making sure I’m not forcing you into anything,” He squeezed Freddie’s hand in support.

Freddie flashed him an endearing smile, “As if I would ever turn you away after coming this far for me.” 

There was a soft  _ click _ from somewhere behind them as they stepped into the lift, Freddie never would have noticed it had he not gotten so used to straining his ears for signs of wakefulness during the night. John busied himself by pressing the button to the lobby and when Freddie turned around he locked eyes with Kash coming down the hall just as the doors shut. 

“ _ Fuck _ .” 

“What?”

Freddie slumped back against the wall, letting his head fall to John’s shoulder, “Kash caught me.” 

John kissed his forehead, “What do you want to do?” 

“I’m coming home, I don’t care what she says,” Tilting his head up he pursed his lips a little. 

John knew exactly what he was asking for and gave him a soft smile before bringing their lips together. They lingered until the lift slowed to a stop and when they stepped out, Kash was walking towards them from the direction of the stairs. 

"It's three in the morning, how are you so bloody fast!" 

“Hi Kash,” John offered in an attempt to be polite. 

“Hi John,” She gave him a tight-lipped smile before grabbing Freddie by the elbow and pulling him a few steps away, "What are you doing?" 

John wandered off a little to give them some privacy but Freddie appreciated that he didn’t go too far. 

"I'm going home!" 

"You can't just leave in the middle of the night like that! What are you gonna tell Muma and Baba?" 

Freddie shrugged, truthfully he hadn’t thought that far ahead, the moment he saw John it was like his mind stopped working and he was all that he could see. "I had an early flight and I didn't want to wake you?" 

"What's so important in London that you can't be bothered to spend a few months with your family when they need you?" She frowned at him.

"I have a life in London!” He took a breath to try and bring his voice down, not needing it to carry across the lobby, “I have friends, people who care about me, I have a band, a future. I have nothing here, I don't belong here. I can't be myself, I can't--" Freddie bit his lip and stopped himself before he went too far and revealed too much. 

Every bit as stubborn as he was, Kash wasn’t about to let him walk away that easily, " _ We _ care about you." 

He looked down at the floor before looking back up at her and quietly admitting, "I can't be what they want me to be, Kash. And it’s killing me." 

She glanced over at John for a moment then narrowed her eyes at Freddie, "You're in love with him, with them. Aren't you?" 

There was no accusation in her voice but he hadn't expected her to hit the nail on the head and it sent him backpedalling. "Don't be fucking ridiculous," He spat, grabbing his things to walk away, but Kash reached for him again. 

"It doesn't matter, Freddie." 

"Of course it bloody matters!” He hissed. 

Her eyes were soft and almost pleading when she looked at him, “Not to me.” 

Some of his defensiveness fell to the wayside when he saw how earnest she was being, but it still wasn’t enough for him to stay. “I can't breathe here, I have to hide who I am all the time. You -- you can’t possibly understand. I'm strange and I don't belong but at least in London, Roger, John, and Brian are strange and don't belong either. They're my family." 

“What about me?”

“This isn’t about you,” He assured her, “You’ll be okay here, you fit in here. You’re having a grand time, aren’t you?”

Before she could answer, John came up to them tentatively, "I don't want to rush you, but our flight leaves in a few hours so we have to get going. I wanted to give you more time but my flight here was delayed." 

“I think we’re just about finished here anyway,” Freddie looked at Kash, he felt a little bad about leaving her behind, but he knew she would be okay, “C’mere, you.” 

“You’re really leaving?” She asked, giving him a hug. 

“I really am. Tell Muma and Baba that if they want to talk, they can ring me at home. And you too, if you need anything.”

“You’re not going to tell me to be good or anything?” Kash joked as they pulled away. 

“Please, between the two of us you  _ are _ the good one. I’m not worried about you.” 

“Then I guess I’m not worried about you either.” 

Freddie smiled, “That’s the spirit. Now go on back to bed, I’ll see you in a couple of months.” 

They said their goodbyes and Freddie and John were on their way once again when a thought occurred to him. 

"How  _ did  _ you afford these flights?" 

"We sold the van." 

"You sold the van?!" 

John shrugged, "It was the only way we could think of getting the money fast enough." 

"It was our only mode of transportation! What are we supposed to do for shows now?"

"We'll figure it out,” There was always an easy way about John like nothing would ever rattle him, a stability that Freddie envied, “We just wanted you home." 

Freddie couldn’t deny that it did make his heart melt, knowing that the boys cared about him that much. Once the butterflies in his stomach settled a little, another thought crossed his mind. 

“Wait, the van was worth that much?” 

“Ha,” John gave a dry chuckle, “Rog and I had to do all the repairs we’ve been meaning to do on it first before we could sell it, but yes, barely.” 

It was a long trip back, but Freddie had never been happier to set foot in their small flat, letting the sense of home wash over him. 

“We’re home!” John announced.

Roger and Brian practically raced to the door from the kitchen, Roger getting to them just an instant sooner and almost knocking Freddie off of his feet with the force of his hug. He barely had time to regain his balance before Brian threw himself at him, long arms circling around both him and Roger. 

Freddie wasn’t sure which pair of lips landed on his first, but he went along with it quite happily, letting them each take their fill until John quietly cleared his throat behind them. 

“Hello, I’m  _ also  _ home.” 

The others laughed, and Freddie realized just how much joy they’d managed to cultivate here, a certain kind of joy he’d hadn’t even known they had until he was taken away from it. 

Freddie looped his arm around John’s waist as Roger reached for him, pulling him into the embrace, “And we missed you too, even if you look like shit.” 

Roger kissed his cheek in anticipation of having to appease him, but John just laughed, his cheeks tinting a dusty pink, “Yeah, I don’t even know what day it is, so definitely I don’t remember the last time I slept.” 

“Before you left here if I were to guess by the dark circles under your eyes.” 

“Couldn’t sleep on the flight?” Brian asked. 

John shook his head, “Too nervous.” 

Freddie squeezed his hip and flashed him a smile, “I had a deck of cards in my bag so we spent most of the flight playing to pass the time.” 

“Sounds like you could both use some sleep,” Roger said. 

“Only if you come with us, I’ve had enough of being separated from you all.” 

They quickly agreed and it wasn’t long before the four of them settled into bed, Freddie feeling safe and content in the arms of those he loved as he relaxed for the first time in a month. 

“Thank you for getting me home.” 

“You belong with us,” Roger said it as if it was the simplest thing in the world - maybe it was. 

“I never thought I’d ever be with anyone who cared about me or my happiness this much. I don’t know how we ended up finding each other, but I’m so, so happy we did.”

Brian kissed his shoulder and murmured against him, “We’re a family, and you’re part of that.” 

“Always,” John told him. 

Freddie screwed his eyes shut for fear that his emotions would overwhelm him again, “I love you all so much.” 

“We love you too.” 

It was the last thing Freddie heard before drifting off to sleep, in his bed, at home, with his family. Exactly where he belonged. 

**Author's Note:**

> So that’s it, I hope you enjoyed it! Comments give me life so do let me know what you thought if you feel so inclined. 
> 
> As always, you can also come find me on tumblr @yasmamamercury


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